I send my mum the capsules from cbd brothers website and she swears by them. I get the blue ones for her. She takes one an hour before bed and works great.
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2 topics on HughPhug
13 posts
+22 votes

by
HughPhug
Anyone recommend pure CBD product for my ma?

by
HughPhug
Anyone recommend pure CBD product for my ma?
she's early 70's, has problems sleeping due to different ailments (and then she starts to overthink it etc). Can anyone recommed any CBD only products on here please? Sugar free preferably but I'll consider whatever, thanks in advance

If you find something good please let us know.
My mum is also 70's and living on 2/3 hours sleep due to hip and knee pain. Gave her a syringe of RSO at Christmas, she's reported back that she's only using a drop on the end of a cocktail stick but keeps sleeping in.
She'd love to find some topical pain releif though.
My mum is also 70's and living on 2/3 hours sleep due to hip and knee pain. Gave her a syringe of RSO at Christmas, she's reported back that she's only using a drop on the end of a cocktail stick but keeps sleeping in.
She'd love to find some topical pain releif though.

Hey HughPhug! I’ve got a CBD company so might be able to help. Sadly not with my own wears due to security and all that 🥷 but can offer some advice. 🙂
My first recommendation would be for cbd gummies.. These are great for sleep/anxiety and can be taken as and when she needs…. but as she is trying to stay away from sugar maybe best to go down a different route…
The oils (which you drop under your tongue) are the most popular method of consuming… but needs to be used everyday for best results..
Always try and get full spectrum CBD oil, or failing that broad spectrum rather than just isolated CBD…. This is fine for topicals but when it comes to taking the stuff internally, full or broad are the best way to go!
If she was to go down the oil route, I would start off on a 1000mg in a 10ml bottle, rather than the 30ml bottles.. This is because the 30ml are watered down with carrier oil and you have to take multiple pipettes full for each dose..
If it’s in the 10ml size, normally 2-3 drops 💧 morning and night will help regulate her sleep patterns and deal with those receptors for stress and anxiety etc..
Every one is different though so it’s just about finding the right does for the individual through trial and error.
Another method could be a nice evening cbd infused tea. There are some good ones out there with other sleepy herbs such as lavender or valerian which are great for the as and when (like the gummies)🌿
You can also buy flavourless, organic, powered sachets which can be added to her favourite hot drinks which is a nice alternative as well.
Vaping is another option as this is the quickest way to get it into the system!! But if she doesn’t vape then dont start. Lol.
Hope that helps dude!! and I wish I could give you my companies details!! 🤷♂️ but if you like the idea of anything I’ve listed, just let me know and I can give you some other company names I know are safe and high quality. ✌️💚
My first recommendation would be for cbd gummies.. These are great for sleep/anxiety and can be taken as and when she needs…. but as she is trying to stay away from sugar maybe best to go down a different route…
The oils (which you drop under your tongue) are the most popular method of consuming… but needs to be used everyday for best results..
Always try and get full spectrum CBD oil, or failing that broad spectrum rather than just isolated CBD…. This is fine for topicals but when it comes to taking the stuff internally, full or broad are the best way to go!
If she was to go down the oil route, I would start off on a 1000mg in a 10ml bottle, rather than the 30ml bottles.. This is because the 30ml are watered down with carrier oil and you have to take multiple pipettes full for each dose..
If it’s in the 10ml size, normally 2-3 drops 💧 morning and night will help regulate her sleep patterns and deal with those receptors for stress and anxiety etc..
Every one is different though so it’s just about finding the right does for the individual through trial and error.
Another method could be a nice evening cbd infused tea. There are some good ones out there with other sleepy herbs such as lavender or valerian which are great for the as and when (like the gummies)🌿
You can also buy flavourless, organic, powered sachets which can be added to her favourite hot drinks which is a nice alternative as well.
Vaping is another option as this is the quickest way to get it into the system!! But if she doesn’t vape then dont start. Lol.
Hope that helps dude!! and I wish I could give you my companies details!! 🤷♂️ but if you like the idea of anything I’ve listed, just let me know and I can give you some other company names I know are safe and high quality. ✌️💚

The green team, cbd buds
Dr greenthumb cbd thc oil
Uk dispensary cbd edibles. Mate go to the items then bottom of your phone click the 3 button, find in page, type in cbd .all there
Dr greenthumb cbd thc oil
Uk dispensary cbd edibles. Mate go to the items then bottom of your phone click the 3 button, find in page, type in cbd .all there

Cbd is fully legal why source here and not a legitimate regulated company? I think a mix of thc/cbd would be best but obviously very small thc amount not enough to feel anything but the mix helps a lot more than straight cbd especially for the pain side of not being able to sleep which the cbd won’t really help, cbd is mainly for sleep even then it’s not as good as mixed . A seller I can recommend would be eddies edibles there lots of choice for edibles give him a message I’m sure he can help you

14 posts
+29.8 votes

by
HughPhug
Would you complain to Royal Mail about this?

by
HughPhug
Would you complain to Royal Mail about this?
Had a special delivery go missing 5/11, every time I ask the RM about it they give me a different bullshit answer (GPS doesn't show where it was delivered/delivered to my address but postie had cold so he didn't let us touch his thing (ooh err)/was delivered to another address). Was £110 worth of goods from Green Thumb, they sent me out a 3.5 in the end to compensate but I'm still fucking pissed and out of pocket hash and weed. Since then 2 more regular post parcels (both posted 4/11) have not arrived. So likely this postie fuck is stealing my shit. So should I complain to RM? Knowing that I can't go into full details because of what's inside. Anyone got any bright ideas? I confronted the postie about it and he was suspiciously vague. I feel like if I complain about him it's like complaining about your starter in a restaurant, you know the main course is gonna have jizz in it. thoughts?

RMs job is to deliver the package so in your own mind forget what’s in it and deal with as though your Aunt has sent you a pair of Calvin Kleins and you want your pants! Special Deliveries should not just go missing and RM has a duty to find it.
Meanwhile you can’t accept a partial reship and then decide you are not happy. You need in future to dispute orders that you don’t get. We all pay for escrow and it’s there make LB work. They are not going to necessarily pay you out 100% but you’ll get a resolution 👍
Meanwhile you can’t accept a partial reship and then decide you are not happy. You need in future to dispute orders that you don’t get. We all pay for escrow and it’s there make LB work. They are not going to necessarily pay you out 100% but you’ll get a resolution 👍

same with me greenthumb parcel went missing, no location of where sent and a unknown name on signage.
offered me a third of my order too.
went to dispute.
offered me a third of my order too.
went to dispute.

You’re obviously a shill.
New account and 3 orders go missing?
Every upvote you have is from new accounts apart from 1 also.
Kindly remove yourself.
New account and 3 orders go missing?
Every upvote you have is from new accounts apart from 1 also.
Kindly remove yourself.

but that's why I'm asking, I had my first few orders go through fine, I've been getting mail order weed & hash for years, mostly from IG, all received no issues. Suddenly everything is going missing, 3 on the bounce but 2 more arrived fine. I just want to know what the ramifications are of complaining about Royal Mail when you can't be specific about the goods involved. I'm not gaining anything by making this up

ok I get it tough guy, same shit on any forum, guy been here a while, thinks this is the OT, gotta flex on the whitebelts right. whatever gets you through the day homes

This site has become rife with trolls and your post has too many red flags to be taken seriously.

14 posts by HughPhug
1 post
+1 votes

on
{cannabis}
What is the difference between Sativa and Indica?
My man
Latitude and attitude :)
Indica grows further North
Gives relaxing and laugh inducing effects.
Sativa grows closer to the equator
Effects are uplifting and cerebral.
Indica grows further North
Gives relaxing and laugh inducing effects.
Sativa grows closer to the equator
Effects are uplifting and cerebral.

I read somewhere that a strain is considered to be indica when it has 5% or more of the terpene myrcene which causes the sedated couch lock effect.

As everyone else said in terms of the physical differences of the plans and the effects.
I can’t take sativa anymore. I use. to when I was younger. Just a small amount of sativa sends my brain on a awful spiral as my mind runs fast anyway. Shame as I used to love Thai weed.
I just smoke Indica now. Relaxes mind and body without the circular thoughts / paranoia.
Seems that anything from the Afghan/Indian areas is perfect. Smoking some Hindu Kush Weed and Afghan Black hash atm.
I can’t take sativa anymore. I use. to when I was younger. Just a small amount of sativa sends my brain on a awful spiral as my mind runs fast anyway. Shame as I used to love Thai weed.
I just smoke Indica now. Relaxes mind and body without the circular thoughts / paranoia.
Seems that anything from the Afghan/Indian areas is perfect. Smoking some Hindu Kush Weed and Afghan Black hash atm.

How it grows
The distinction in effects can be altered when using a vape - indica at a low temp will give "sativa" effects and a sativa at a high temp will give "indica" effects
The distinction in effects can be altered when using a vape - indica at a low temp will give "sativa" effects and a sativa at a high temp will give "indica" effects

Sativa tends to grow tall and skinny with pointy leafs. Usually take longer to flower. Indica are shorter bushier, chunkier leafs/flowers faster flowering

asapcocky cool username lol
new addition to the asap crew?
also there is a notable difference in the way the plant grows
indica tends to grow short stocky and bushy with wider fan leaves
whereas sativa tends to grow tall and has thinner fan leaves
and as stated in the comments already, difference in types of high
cheers, THB
new addition to the asap crew?
also there is a notable difference in the way the plant grows
indica tends to grow short stocky and bushy with wider fan leaves
whereas sativa tends to grow tall and has thinner fan leaves
and as stated in the comments already, difference in types of high
cheers, THB

1 post
+4 votes
slate hash
damn I used to love me some fluffy slate back in the late 80's

slate hash
used to get this in the 90's, what was it? how come it was thin like a slate?

Usually had a small amount of low grade hash cut with all sorts of nasties you wouldn’t want in you, horrible stuff but unfortunately that’s all there was at a time :(

The thin slate format is traditional for Turkish hash...
Not sure if that's what was banging around in the 90s. Slate struck me as being on par with soap-bar back then. Maybe it was just cheap contaminated Turkish hash, maybe it was re-pressed Moroccan... dunno.
But in recent years, the only slate I've encountered was Turkish. And it was excellent every time. Hashishin had some on LB, I've still got a bit of that left. It's not super-potent, but it's clean!
Not sure if that's what was banging around in the 90s. Slate struck me as being on par with soap-bar back then. Maybe it was just cheap contaminated Turkish hash, maybe it was re-pressed Moroccan... dunno.
But in recent years, the only slate I've encountered was Turkish. And it was excellent every time. Hashishin had some on LB, I've still got a bit of that left. It's not super-potent, but it's clean!

slate back then i got and it was pollen press and not rubbish stuff either the crap back then was solid diesel this stuf could contain tesco carrier bags it got you stoned but usually with a headache n why it was called diesel it was transported in truck fuel tanks things have gotten much better nowdayz albeit the price for solid didn't move as slowly back then i could get 9bar for 350 ounce for 60 ohh how i wish the price was this still

If you’ve ever extracted hash using bubble bags or sieves once it’s dry and pressed together it is quite firm. It only becomes soft and oily when you heat it up or work it about in your hands.
The slate stuff was just very hard cold pressed hash.
I’m more suspicious these days of the overly oily stuff which suggests it has had something added to it.
The slate stuff was just very hard cold pressed hash.
I’m more suspicious these days of the overly oily stuff which suggests it has had something added to it.

Don't be suspicious. Weed has changed and got way stronger since back then, certain strains are selected now purely for hash making due to their trichome production being high. A lot of hash makers are now using cali genetics in morocco. The hash is currently in a transition of wiping out "commercial" hash.. in a year or two there will only be dry tech available and all these commercial hash plates will be extinct.

True.. when you compare the new oily hashes with a proper old school Moroccan double zero you start to think somethings not right… like too much oil…
I’ve had some banging slate from spain… was 5mm thick, really floral and strong as… not the average slate though..
I’ve had some banging slate from spain… was 5mm thick, really floral and strong as… not the average slate though..

Someone has got a listing for some slate hash called del monte on the wall. It gets good reviews and admittedly is probably a cut above 90’s headache weed!

Cheap and nasty just like those that were bringing it in to the UK,it was all repressed bar with added crap to triple the weight.
Still think all that total cheap crap was and is brought in by the government.
Still think all that total cheap crap was and is brought in by the government.

It used to be fucking crap,never had a good bit,didn’t even get you stoned it reminds me of cbd hash you get now,the effects of it,the hash you get on here is like rocket fuel,no wonder I smoked so much in the 90s.

1 post
+1 votes
Best festival weed?
I really liked the lemon haze, that gave me a decent social buzz to get on the right steps. would personally start with a 20 mg edible though and then…

Best festival weed?
Any recommendations for nice flower to take to festivals this summer?
Something buzzy thats gonna put you in a good vibe and up for watching some music. Nothing too heavy hitting that'll send all my mates to bed, haha!
Thanks!
Something buzzy thats gonna put you in a good vibe and up for watching some music. Nothing too heavy hitting that'll send all my mates to bed, haha!
Thanks!

A good haze strain would help with what your wanting. Uplifting and energising, no couch lock. Nice sativa!

1 post
+4 votes
Best sport stoned?
Bjj and chess, and pool and shuttlecock and watching ufo's and tiddlywinks
Archery is fun. I once bought from a guy who had a bunch of targets set up in his garden and would let me shoot a few arrows when I picked up.

I hit the gym stoned, take saunas stoned, go mountain hiking stoned, go cycling stoned, but there is zero competitive nature... As I'm lazy!

snowboarding gets the gold. well until they take it back

Roller Skating with some good tunes in your ears.
Juggling is great once you have some flow.
Juggling is great once you have some flow.

1 post
+1 votes
Eddys Hashbar is now live! To celebrate I’m hosting a welcome guess the weight competition get on it people!.
233.8835!!

Eddys Hashbar is now live! To celebrate I’m hosting a welcome guess the weight competition get on it people!.

Hi everyone it’s Eddy here. To celebrate the grand opening of Eddy’s Hashbar I will be running a classic guess the weight competition! Any 3gram from the menu to the winner! Also a special any 7gram from the menu to are lucky 100th customer. Guess the weight here winner will be announced Sunday and Good luck everyone. Eddy.

Winner announced Congratulations Awesome Andy !

58.7g why would anyone go live just as there's a full month of postal strikes basically. beats my logic.

1 post
+4 votes
CRIMBO COMPO
old boy sitting on a train, girl gets on and sits opposite him. guy leans forward and says 'excuse me, can I smell your cunt?'
Girl, shocked, says 'NO…

CRIMBO COMPO
Morning folks, guy's and gal's
I'm knocking up my Christmas goodie 📦
The dam thing is gunna be packed out with goodness off my menu and i have a couple extra bits on their way. (Top of the pops grinder)
It will be a Merry Crimbo
So today(16/11/22) we start, all I require is you to post here with your best joke.
To enter you need at least 5 buys in your history on LB and ill run the competition till the 12th December.
Let's have a giggle and you may hit the jackpot!!
I'm knocking up my Christmas goodie 📦
The dam thing is gunna be packed out with goodness off my menu and i have a couple extra bits on their way. (Top of the pops grinder)
It will be a Merry Crimbo
So today(16/11/22) we start, all I require is you to post here with your best joke.
To enter you need at least 5 buys in your history on LB and ill run the competition till the 12th December.
Let's have a giggle and you may hit the jackpot!!

What’s the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath. One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

Garryfl your going to be the winner.
My Mrs is choosing the winner and yours is going to win.
So I'm ending the competition here.
Winner Winner is Garryfl.
Message me your address and I'll get your prize sent out in the morning.
Congratulations
My Mrs is choosing the winner and yours is going to win.
So I'm ending the competition here.
Winner Winner is Garryfl.
Message me your address and I'll get your prize sent out in the morning.
Congratulations

Two old friends are discussing their sex lives. David, 29, has no issues with his wife and gets lucky at least 3 times a week. Jerry, 38, laughs as he recounts that he has sex with his wife almost every day. Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday…

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
‘Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
‘Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

A schoolboy, an old man and Donald Trump are on a plane that is plummeting towards the ground. The captain and copilot have already bailed.
In the cabin they find only 2 parachutes available. Without hesitation, Trump grabs one and jumps out.
With only 1 parachute remaining, the old man turns to the schoolboy and says, "You take the last one, I'm old, whereas you have your whole life ahead of you yet."
The schoolboy replies "It's OK, we have a parachute each, that other guy jumped out with my schoolbag."
In the cabin they find only 2 parachutes available. Without hesitation, Trump grabs one and jumps out.
With only 1 parachute remaining, the old man turns to the schoolboy and says, "You take the last one, I'm old, whereas you have your whole life ahead of you yet."
The schoolboy replies "It's OK, we have a parachute each, that other guy jumped out with my schoolbag."

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared." The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

Great to see other vendors joining in the Christmas spirit and giving back. Nice 1 Keep it Green 👍
Here’s my joke for fun. Thanks Eddy
What’s a chavs favourite ice cream?
MINT🙃
Here’s my joke for fun. Thanks Eddy
What’s a chavs favourite ice cream?
MINT🙃

……I know this is recycled from some place but it’s a gooden-
How does a stoner recite Shakespeare? “Doobie or not doobie
Sorry it’s as bad the second time around too😂😂😂💪🏼
How does a stoner recite Shakespeare? “Doobie or not doobie
Sorry it’s as bad the second time around too😂😂😂💪🏼

A bear walks into a pub, goes up to the bar and says...........................can I have a pint of lager? Barman replies yes, but why the big pause

Bloke goes into a pet shop and says, can I buy a wasp?
Pet shop owner says, we don't sell wasps!
Bloke says, well you've got two in the window.
🐝🐝🤣😀
Pet shop owner says, we don't sell wasps!
Bloke says, well you've got two in the window.
🐝🐝🤣😀

A recent favourite.....
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: "what's your blood type?"
"I'm probably a type O", said the rabbit.
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: "what's your blood type?"
"I'm probably a type O", said the rabbit.

Two girls are working at the the supermarket.
“You know, I can always tell who the single men are”
“How can you do that?”
“Watch. I’ll show you with the next customer.”
A man approaches the register. He places a tomato, a pork chop, a potato, a tin of beans, a small onion and 4 ready meals on the belt.
“I hope you don't mind me asking, but you’re single, aren’t you?”
“Woah! How did you know? It's the ready meals, isn't it?”
“No, it's cos you're an ugly cunt!”
“You know, I can always tell who the single men are”
“How can you do that?”
“Watch. I’ll show you with the next customer.”
A man approaches the register. He places a tomato, a pork chop, a potato, a tin of beans, a small onion and 4 ready meals on the belt.
“I hope you don't mind me asking, but you’re single, aren’t you?”
“Woah! How did you know? It's the ready meals, isn't it?”
“No, it's cos you're an ugly cunt!”

A cop stopped a man smoking cannabis while driving
The officer asked "how high are you?"
The man replied "no officer, its hi how are you"
The officer asked "how high are you?"
The man replied "no officer, its hi how are you"

I just bought some shoes from a dealer, I don't know what they were laced with but I've been tripping all day!

My mum died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
Recycled joke but cheers for the comp!
Recycled joke but cheers for the comp!

An English man, a French man and an Italian man were talking about sex.
French man says " when i make love to my wife and she orgasms she raises 4 inches off the bed"
Italian man says "when I make love to my wife and she orgasms she raises 6 inches off the bed"
English man says, "when me and my wife have finished having sex I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the roof!" 😆
French man says " when i make love to my wife and she orgasms she raises 4 inches off the bed"
Italian man says "when I make love to my wife and she orgasms she raises 6 inches off the bed"
English man says, "when me and my wife have finished having sex I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains and she hits the roof!" 😆

On his 18th bday a dad took his son who had no arms and legs for his 1st beer...
Sitting at the table he sips his beer and suddenly an arm pops out... fucking hell says dad... IKR replied the son... have another says dad...!! So he does and all of a sudden bosh another arm...
So after 4 drinks the son has all limbs and is feeling light headed... I wanna run home and show mum said the son... go for it son says dad... and as soon as the son ran out I to the street he was hit by a car...
Tragically the son died with his dad holding him in his arms saying......
he should have quit while he was a head... 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sitting at the table he sips his beer and suddenly an arm pops out... fucking hell says dad... IKR replied the son... have another says dad...!! So he does and all of a sudden bosh another arm...
So after 4 drinks the son has all limbs and is feeling light headed... I wanna run home and show mum said the son... go for it son says dad... and as soon as the son ran out I to the street he was hit by a car...
Tragically the son died with his dad holding him in his arms saying......
he should have quit while he was a head... 🤣🤣🤣🤣

How do you know you are a true stoner?
When your bong gets washed more than your dishes
When your bong gets washed more than your dishes

Best in a Scottish accent -
10 cows standing in a field, which one is closest to Iraq?
….. coo eight
10 cows standing in a field, which one is closest to Iraq?
….. coo eight

Christmas is so stupid…
Whomever invented it should be nailed to a cross. 😂😂🤷♂️🎄🎄
Do love a simple but silly joke 😅 ✌️💚
Whomever invented it should be nailed to a cross. 😂😂🤷♂️🎄🎄
Do love a simple but silly joke 😅 ✌️💚

My best joke atm is KIG got better & healthier produce than law permitted pharmacies that are causing people to have lung infections by selling mould in a tub to them passed as medicine

old boy sitting on a train, girl gets on and sits opposite him. guy leans forward and says 'excuse me, can I smell your cunt?'
Girl, shocked, says 'NO, NO YOU CAN'T YOU FILTHY SHIT'
guy says 'oh sorry, must be your feet then'
Girl, shocked, says 'NO, NO YOU CAN'T YOU FILTHY SHIT'
guy says 'oh sorry, must be your feet then'

What’s the difference between Dirty Harry and anal sex?
One will make your day the other will make hole weak.
One will make your day the other will make hole weak.

I get paid the national minimum wages, 9.50£ for one hour of honest hard work, come on if that's not a joke, I don't know what is 😂😂😂😂😂😆😆😎😎😎

What's the definition of a mixed feeling? Watching your Mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new car

A man smelling of alcohol and weed sat next to a priest on a bus.
The man’s clothes were ragged and dirty, there was pink lipstick on his collar, and an almost empty bottle of rum stuck out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
A few minutes later he turned to the priest and said, "Tell me Father, do you happen to know what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My son, it's caused by sinful behavior, spending time with prostitutes, abusing alcohol and drugs, an unclean body and mind, and disrespect for others."
“Damn,” replied the drunk before returning to his paper.
Thinking about what he said, the priest tapped the man on the shoulder and apologized for being too stern. Trying to be empathetic, he asked the man how long he has had arthritis.
The man answered, "I don't have it. I just read here that the Pope suffers from it."
The man’s clothes were ragged and dirty, there was pink lipstick on his collar, and an almost empty bottle of rum stuck out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
A few minutes later he turned to the priest and said, "Tell me Father, do you happen to know what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My son, it's caused by sinful behavior, spending time with prostitutes, abusing alcohol and drugs, an unclean body and mind, and disrespect for others."
“Damn,” replied the drunk before returning to his paper.
Thinking about what he said, the priest tapped the man on the shoulder and apologized for being too stern. Trying to be empathetic, he asked the man how long he has had arthritis.
The man answered, "I don't have it. I just read here that the Pope suffers from it."

Three blokes find an old lamp lying by the side of the road, and when they rub it a genie pops out and grants each of them three wishes. "Now tell me," he booms, "what is your first wish?"
The first bloke asks for a billion pounds. The second bloke asks for perfect mental peace and happiness. The third bloke says "I want my left arm to revolve clockwise, all the time, like I was bowling a cricket ball." The other two look at him bewildered, but he just smiles and taps his nose.
The genie says "What is your second wish?" The first bloke asks to be totally irresistible to women. The second bloke asks for perfect physical health until the age of 100. The third bloke says "I want my right arm to revolve anti-clockwise, all the time." The other two stare at him, but again he just smiles smugly.
Finally the genie grants them their third wish. The first guy asks for all his hair to grow back. The second asks for him and his wife to be able to have children at last. The third one says "I want to hop everywhere on one leg, bouncing as high as if I was on a pogo stick." The other two are completely baffled, but again he just taps his nose and smiles.
"OK" says the genie. "Your wishes will come true at midnight tonight" - and he disappears in a puff of smoke. The three men arrange to meet up in a year's time to see how they're all getting on, and then they go their separate ways.
A year later, they meet in the pub. The first man walks in wearing a five thousand pound suit, the keys to a Ferrari in his hand, with long flowing hair and a top model hanging off each arm. "I couldn't be happier," he says. "My life is paradise now."
The second man walks in with a beaming smile, the picture of health, totally relaxed, holding a picture of his baby twins. " I couldn't be happier," he says. "Every day is just wonderful."
Just then, the pub doors fly open and the third man comes bouncing in on one leg, his head banging off the ceiling, with both his arms swinging round and round in opposite directions.
"Guys," he says. "I think I fucked up."
The first bloke asks for a billion pounds. The second bloke asks for perfect mental peace and happiness. The third bloke says "I want my left arm to revolve clockwise, all the time, like I was bowling a cricket ball." The other two look at him bewildered, but he just smiles and taps his nose.
The genie says "What is your second wish?" The first bloke asks to be totally irresistible to women. The second bloke asks for perfect physical health until the age of 100. The third bloke says "I want my right arm to revolve anti-clockwise, all the time." The other two stare at him, but again he just smiles smugly.
Finally the genie grants them their third wish. The first guy asks for all his hair to grow back. The second asks for him and his wife to be able to have children at last. The third one says "I want to hop everywhere on one leg, bouncing as high as if I was on a pogo stick." The other two are completely baffled, but again he just taps his nose and smiles.
"OK" says the genie. "Your wishes will come true at midnight tonight" - and he disappears in a puff of smoke. The three men arrange to meet up in a year's time to see how they're all getting on, and then they go their separate ways.
A year later, they meet in the pub. The first man walks in wearing a five thousand pound suit, the keys to a Ferrari in his hand, with long flowing hair and a top model hanging off each arm. "I couldn't be happier," he says. "My life is paradise now."
The second man walks in with a beaming smile, the picture of health, totally relaxed, holding a picture of his baby twins. " I couldn't be happier," he says. "Every day is just wonderful."
Just then, the pub doors fly open and the third man comes bouncing in on one leg, his head banging off the ceiling, with both his arms swinging round and round in opposite directions.
"Guys," he says. "I think I fucked up."

I heard a rather nice story about a man who drank alot and his wife said "if you ever come home drunk again, I'm going to leave you". He went out to a pub and drank alot and was sick all over his shirt, and said to his friend "If I go home like this my wife will leave me". His friend said "I tell you what, put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, go home and show it to her and tell her somebody threw-up over you and he gave you the money for the dry-cleaning bill.".
He goes home and his wife's angry at the state of him and tells him she is leaving but he says "No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill". His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money, she said "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?", he said "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants". 😛😛
He goes home and his wife's angry at the state of him and tells him she is leaving but he says "No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill". His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money, she said "Why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?", he said "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants". 😛😛

True story as I witnessed it lol
Jumped out the pub to go to the cash machine with a mate and he nipped round the corner to go for a piss.
30 sec later 5.0 walk up. I’m standing smoking a fag.
Next thing the 5.0 talking to my mate. excuse me you know that’s offence.
Quick as fuck
Looks like a wall to me big man.
Night in the cells for him.
Jumped out the pub to go to the cash machine with a mate and he nipped round the corner to go for a piss.
30 sec later 5.0 walk up. I’m standing smoking a fag.
Next thing the 5.0 talking to my mate. excuse me you know that’s offence.
Quick as fuck
Looks like a wall to me big man.
Night in the cells for him.
